Never Sell Your Saddle

 

Never sell your saddle.  I remember seeing this meme on social media once: don’t sell your saddle and there was something that hit me deep; a deep truth that went beyond the saddle itself.

“Don’t sell your saddle, Don’t give up on your dreams.  Take time to see them through, there is no magic recipe, hard work makes them come true….”

My saddle is currently sitting in Canada under my mom’s supervision.  It’s been sitting there since I made the move 8 years ago to Australia; but one day I will have it with me again.

I remember when I bought my saddle; a Bob’s Custom Duane Latimer reining saddle.  I went through a few different saddles over the years till I got this one and not only was it a comfortable ride but most importantly it fit my horse Ares.

And that is where this post is headed; my horses.  As most little girls I was in love with horses; seeing them afar, having my own imaginary horses, getting older and having the occasional ride on my mom’s or oma’s horse and then there was the time I entered the show pen and I was hooked. As the years went by that love with this animal grew into something that even now, I have difficulties describing. The best way to describe it is a deep-down blood tie; and in the years since moving to Australia I mourn the loss of the daily interaction I had with my horses.

I say horses but I actually only owned 2 horses but I worked with and rode many more.  My home in Canada was a boarding stable that homed 100s of horses that I would help take care of.  They were mine, in the respects that I treated them as if I actually owned them aswell as their actually owners

I bought my first horse, a yearling filly Suzie from a PMU ranch when I was 20years.  If you don’t know what a PMU ranch is, well that’s simple, Pregnant Mares Urine.  These are the places that collected the urine to make our birth control pills.  It was always understood, and maybe its still today, but a lot of these ranches didn’t care about the animals they were breeding, the only concern was the end product.  But there are some ranches that saw the benefit of breeding registered horses of decent bloodlines that way not only did they have an end product but they also had horses that were more sellable.  And that was what my little filly was.  She was a registered Quarter Horse with good decent working cow bloodlines.  And with some research into her breeding, she had some racing blood too.  Specifically, she was a descendant of Go Man Go; a red roan stallion known for his speed and attitude. My Suzie definitely had attitude.

From the day I brought her home she showed her attitude but she also showed an amazing wiliness to please; her way.  She taught me so much in her life from the first day I put her in the round pen, to the first step in the stirrup, the show pen, the trail rides and to the day I had to say goodbye to her.

She was never meant for the reining pen; she didn’t have the breeding or the skill level to be highly competitive but the one thing she had was heart and there was never a time that she didn’t put her whole heart into what was asked.  She also fought you just as passionately; when she didn’t want to do something.  I remember one time at a riding clinic Suzie pitched a fit, I learned over the years the best thing to do was not to fight back but let her run it out and so we did, circle after circle till she was tired enough to listen. Much like a parent watching their child stomp and kick, sometimes you just have to sit back and let them stomp it out.  That race blood in her always worked against both of us as it took so much to wear her out and she only got fitter in the process.  Afterwards the trainer came up to me and mentioned how well I had handled the situation. Patience is what she taught me more than anything, and compassion to recognise when something is not going the way you want it to at that moment, to remember that it is more than just me in this.

Suzie taught me to have trust and faith and what it means when another puts their faith and trust in you.  We went for many trail rides and she would always walk the path I pointed her to.  Even when one day that path led as to a water hole.  She walked right into the water even when the mud surrounding us came up to her knees.  She had to jump out to release herself out of the mud which unseated me right into that water hole.  I remember picking myself up soaking wet and also struggling out of the mud laughing and Suzie just standing there waiting for me.  Then there was the time we went for a trail ride down by the river with some other riders.  Most horses won’t go willingly into water but not Suzie, she enjoyed water as much as I did. We were all standing in a calm part of the river letting the horses have a drink and cool off.  Suzie decided this was a good time to play in the water splashing every person and every horse near us and she almost went down for a roll. Make good decisions because you don’t know who will follow you. 

We shared so many highs, laughter and tears of joy, but with the highs there was some deep lows.  And in those lows Suzie showed her heart just as strongly.  In my later twenties I went through a period of suicidal depression.  And I leaned into Suzie more than anything or anyone else.  There were days I would just sit in her stall and she in return would stand blocking the doorway with her head over me.  Much like a mare over her foal, others in the barn would be calling my name looking for me but with Suzie blocking the stall entrance no one knew where I was and I felt safe.

As she took care of me during those dark days, in turn I was there for her on her darkest. It was a wet snowy February when I got the call that Suzie was colicking.  Anyone having been around horses for anytime knows when a horse colics it may pass uneventfully or turn into a shit show fast.  And that was what happened that day.  By the time the vet showed up she didn’t even look like my horse anymore, her heartrate had spiked so high that the vet was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to stand. He gave her a cocktail of pain reliver just to bring down her heartrate to assess the situation.  But as soon as the cocktail kicked in, she collapsed. I remember going down with her in the cold mud; and when I stood up, she stood up. She went down 2 more times before not only my mom but the vet had said that I was going to have to lay in the mud with her just so she would lay still.  And I did that for her.  I still remember that day clearly.  We were going to have to say goodbye and I was going to do that laying in the February mud holding my Suzie

RIP Suzie June 1994 – February 2004

Anyone that has owned an animal/pet/fur baby knows that we will most likely outlive them.  It is our duty and honour to be there for them during their darkest time, just as they have always been there for us.

That was one of my hardest days, even today, that day marks a dark day incomparable.  As this post started: its more than a love, it’s a deep blood tie; and on that day I went down to the barn that night and climbed on the back of my gelding. 

My gelding Ares; he was the son from the mare my mom owned.  He was my next project, to be trained, shown and potentially sold with profits split between mom and myself.  But as this little gelding grew up, he was showing more promise in the show pen and a more willingness to try.  And as it was he ended up being the only horse I had after Suzie.

Ares showed more than even I gave him credit with for so many years.  I always considered him my little unbroke pony.  As a 2-year-old he was tiny and he spent a lot of time in pasture just growing up; but that little pony grew up to be a true quarter horse size; in height and size.  And as much as I thought of him a work in progress, he proved himself time over time just how much he knew, how much try he had and how much he could be trusted.

During one horse show where I shared showing with him, with my best friend’s young son.  We switch saddles back and forth, his youth saddle with stirrups barely wrapping around Ares’ belly and my own reining saddle.  Ares never faulter for either one of us that day.  He did everything asked of him and more.  He was also the horse that you can jump on bareback anytime with just a halter and ride.  He went where you wanted to go with no complaints and gave as much heart.

Of all the horses I have ridden I never experienced a horse with such a high work ethic to please.  If horses could be known with such, but he did.  Even out on pasture with grass up to his belly and a field of other horses; if I came to the gate and whistle for him, he would come running.  He also showed this work ethic when one time just before a show I had the farrier come out, I knew the shoes looked tight but I was told by everyone that everything was fine.  Well, the day of the show, loading him on the trailer he was sore and it didn’t change at the show either.  I even had the show’s farrier check his shoes; it was mentioned to just to walk him and he never did argue, where I lead, he followed.  Wasn’t till we got home and I had the shoes pulled thinking that was our show season finished that Ares walked completely sound.  Trust your instincts.

The year before I moved to Australia, Ares and I had our final show and he gave me his best to that date with our highest score.  He has now moved on to retirement with my mom.  After my mom having to say goodbye to Ares’ mom, Ares went to live with her, while I moved to Australia.  Saying goodbye to Suzie was difficult but saying goodbye to Ares was nearly as hard. Knowing that we were parting it felt like a part of me was being ripped away. After 8 years I have yet to mend that rip but I have understood it as grief.  Grief never goes away, especially when that source comes from a deep internal spot within but that grief changes, it molds around you.  So, you never forget all the moments and memories that you have learned, felt and was brought into your life.  Horses are imbedded in my blood and in my soul; it in part makes me who I am.

So, NO I will never sell my saddle, for it’s a part of me, like the horses that ride under it. Its part of the dream I got to live and experience, and the dream that I will never let go of.