My Year of Yoga - January

Having completed my first month in this journey of one year of yoga I have come to learn a few things about yoga and myself.  Most importantly what I am capable of.  I have learned that physically I have much more strength in me than I thought but also I have many weakness. I have felt myself getting stronger physically as well as mentally; but one of my weakness and consequently fear is holding plank.  Since the first time I ever tried holding plank or even doing a push up, my arms would shake and I would say to myself, Argghh I HATE PLANK!  I know now that it isn't that I hate plank (altho I still say I hate plank) but I feared that I couldn't hold the position for longer than 10 seconds. I have learned that yoga is not just about the physical aspect but also the mental aspects; if I tell myself I cant do a certain pose then what I am doing is setting myself up for failure of that pose; whether I can do the full pose or not.  I have always picked up on that yoga is a breathing exercise, allowing the breath play the most important role in the movements you drive your body through.  But its more than that too;  the breath fuels those movements and with the right breath and the right concentration of the breath the movements have a better flow.
The biggest thing I  have learned, especially tonight, and this most likely has to do with all that is going around me in my life currently, is that I still hold fear in my heart.  A deep seated fear, one that I thought for the most part I have worked through with everything that has gone on.  But when the instructor on my dvd said tonight, trust in the path your life is going, to focus on the one aspect of your life in which you wish to cultivate and let all other thoughts go.  It really brought back to light that I fear the unknown, I fear those other thoughts and what others think of me.  And I will admit, even though I fear what would be thought of me for saying this, but hearing that tonight, I wept my release as I came to realize that I do fear.
But maybe its ok to have that fear.  I have never been one to back down over something that scares me or makes me nervous.  And the fear of what others think of me and that fear of the unknown will be something that I will have to acknowledge more in myself.  After all this is me, my life, my choices and my path.  No one can walk this path but me.
Yoga has allowed me feel those emotions, acknowledge and give the much needed release; as I inhale thinking "LET" and exhale "GO"
Namaste 

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